Discomforting Comfort Food: Thanksgiving Dinner Costs Take a Leap

by Jim Washburn

While turkeys can't fly, their prices can certainly soar. The Los Angeles Times reports that the American Farm Bureau Federation, which issues an annual report on the cost of the traditional Thanksgiving dinner, found that the price of turkey and the usual fixings has risen 13 percent over last year's cost, the biggest jump since 1990.

While everything from whipping cream to stuffing mix has risen, the biggest culprit is the turkey, the cost of which has jumped 22 percent. This year's 16-pound turkey, for example, will on average cost $3.91 more than last year. The federation cites bad weather and rising fuel costs as being behind the increases.

It's not just a holiday thing. The higher prices are indicative of higher food costs across the board. While worker salaries are flat, cut or eliminated, making do with one's stagnant income grows a little harder every month. Meanwhile, the cost of your food is reflected in the record profits oil companies continue to rake in, part of which they use to fund bogus science to deny the other cited cause of rising food prices: the extremes of weather being caused by climate change.

But we're all about exploring new alternatives, so here's a handy recipe you can use to feed the whole family cheaply on Thanksgiving:

Collect come clay from your yard. Borrow a neighbor's turkey and cover it in a thick coat of clay and put it in the kiln for three hours. Remove and carefully split the hardened clay so that it is in two pieces. Return the kiln-baked turkey to your neighbor.

Now boil 16 pounds of oatmeal on the stovetop, and when it's reached the consistency of spackling, pour it into the two halves of your turkey mold and clamp the halves together. Place in the oven and bake for two hours at 335 degrees. Remove from the oven, peel the clay off, and you'll have a glistening faux turkey that will be the pride of your groaning table. Serve with parsley sprigs and packets of Splenda from your local Denny's, and you'll have a nourishing holiday meal at 43 cents per serving. Who wouldn't be thankful for that?

 

Comments

Heck of a job there, it abstoleuly helps me out.

2011-11-29 by Roxie

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