Features by Donna Schoenkopf

2010-03-16 Oklahoma Dreaming: The Booth
I was staffing the booth by myself. I had the 11:00 to 1:00 slot. I reeked of onions when I spoke. (I had stopped off at the Sonic Drive-In for a quick burger.)
2010-03-09 Oklahoma Dreaming: Close Calls
It happened as I was taking my vitamins. Politics were playing sweetly on the telly. Sunshine was streaming through the sliding glass doors. All was right with the world.
2010-03-02 Oklahoma Dreaming: High School
Last week I substituted at a local high school. I love teaching high school. The kids are just like … well, kids. With a LOT of hormones. Bratty kids. Sweet kids. Scared kids.
2010-02-23 Oklahoma Dreaming: Going for a Walk
Last night and into this morning it rained. Rained HARD. We had flashes of lightning and crashing thunder. Diego the Dog pressed up with a worried look on his face.
2010-02-16 Oklahoma Dreaming: Tidbits VI
As you probably already know, Rosie the Cat has left home. This time it may be forever. She much prefers Orval the Neighbor’s house to mine. Mine with the Killer Dogs.
2010-02-09 Oklahoma Dreaming: What I Learned
Eight days. Eight days of Hell. (You know Dante thought Hell was an infernally cold place, not a hot one.) Eight days of no electricity in my all-electric house …
2010-02-02 Oklahoma Dreaming: Freeeezing!
I have been here in Lynn’s house for three days because there’s been a freeze, followed by a blizzard, with an ongoing electrical blackout at my house.
2010-01-26 Oklahoma Dreaming: Facebook
I have begun my journey into Facebook. I went into it kicking and screaming because I am an old person. We generally do not take kindly to newfangled things.
2010-01-19 Oklahoma Dreaming: Give People the Games
Aristotle said, “Tyrants will say, ‘Give people the games.’” This means that a tyrant will try to divert the people’s awareness of his devious plots.
2010-01-12 Oklahoma Dreaming: Dead Armadillo
He lies on his back (yes, he’s a he, his tiny penis, dear and sweet, shaped like an unopened morning glory, proves the point) showing no signs whatsoever of decay.
2010-01-05 Oklahoma Dreaming: The Café
The café has always been here. I remember it when I was in high school, all those years ago. It never has attracted throngs of customers, but it has stood the test of time.
2009-12-29 Oklahoma Dreaming: The Blizzard
Geographically speaking, according to Genius Son John, the most intense weather is in the middle of continents. It’s all about temperature, land forms, air masses, water.
2009-12-22 Oklahoma Dreaming: Tidbits V
Bet you didn’t know ringworm fungus starts as small particles, did you? Well, neither did I, so don’t feel undereducated.
2009-12-15 Oklahoma Dreaming: Tis the Season
It’s winter, a little less than two weeks till Christmas. I sit at my colorful dining room table. I painted it one beautiful afternoon in San Pedro, years ago.
2009-12-08 Oklahoma Dreaming: Che (et al), Part 2
When last we met here on this page, Che Guevara the Cat had been spotted by Neighbor Orval meowing behind his barn.
2009-12-01 Oklahoma Dreaming: Che
It’s Thanksgiving morning. The phone rings. “Hello?” “Hi, Donna. This is Neighbor Jim. Just calling to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and to ask you if you have a missing cat.”
2009-11-24 Oklahoma Dreaming: Signs
With me, it began with being confused with the signage on public roads here in Oklahoma when I first moved back. I have never seen anything like it.
2009-11-17 Oklahoma Dreaming: Tidbits IV
Once again I wait for Rosie the Cat. She has been gone a month now. She is a fearful little thing, always has been. She is frightened of everyone and everything.
2009-11-10 Oklahoma Dreaming: Sea Change
Capitalism began in the twelfth century. It began when the Holy Roman Catholic Church FINALLY allowed people to collect interest on money loaned.
2009-11-03 Oklahoma Dreaming: Ups and Downs
I am old enough to realize that nothing is all good or all bad. Yeah, some of you say instantly, “What about God and The Debbil?” But I don’t go there.
2009-10-27 Oklahoma Dreaming: Fixed
These are the things I’ve fixed this week: 1. Diego the Dog. 2. Kitchen drawer. 3. Chicken cacciatore. 4. Outdoor furniture. 5. Outdoor plants. 6. Angela Davis.
2009-10-20 Oklahoma Dreaming: Shawnee Lake
It’s 5:30 on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. It’s that perfect time of day when the light is lovely and the shadows are alive.
2009-10-13 Oklahoma Dreaming: Tidbits Once More (With Feeling)
Is it because of the enormous amounts of particulates in the air that scientists say shades the earth and keeps temperatures down?
2009-10-06 Oklahoma Dreaming: Worker Bees
So there we were, the Worker Bee Brigade, buzzing mightily, swarming with ideas around a huge conference table.
2009-09-29 Oklahoma Dreaming: The Dinner Party
All that activity culminated in the worst meal I have ever served another fellow human being. But that’s not all.
2009-09-22 Oklahoma Dreaming: Obama in the Morning
I know him. I know why he is the way he is. Because, even though I am a dramatic sort of person and he isn’t, I know why he doesn’t run in, metaphorical fists flying, when things get tough.
2009-09-15 Oklahoma Dreaming: Bliss
TONS of cat and dog hair, mud, dirt, dust, grass, weeds, and stickers … but no ticks.
2009-09-08 Oklahoma Dreaming: Surprise!
As I’ve reached the ripe old age of 66, I find myself gasping with surprise about all kinds of things.
2009-09-01 Oklahoma Dreaming: A Chill in the Air
It was with great surprise, and AGONY I might add, that I felt not only beads of sweat, but GUSHERS of sweat, exuding from my old crotchety body.
2009-08-25 Oklahoma Dreaming: Vinegar
Lately the collective we, the global we, the humankind we, have been putting stuff on top of the earth—pesticides, herbicides, fertilizers—that are BRAND NEW molecular structures.
2009-08-18 Oklahoma Dreaming: Politics
He says, seriously, “Donna, if you ever want to marry a Negro, I want you to know that that will be fine with me. Just as long as he is good to you.”
2009-08-11 Oklahoma Dreaming: The Highway
I realized that a daydreaming driver or a driver swatting a bee or a driver using a cell phone could, in a split moment, smack into the rear of my car and blow me to smithereens.
2009-08-04 Oklahoma Dreaming: Tidbits III
I have been trying to work out the physics of lightning traveling down the tree into the branch that hangs over my roof. By my calculations it will hit where my lightning rods are not.
2009-07-28 Oklahoma Dreaming: Witnessing
We were reviled, looked down on, paid the lowest wages for the hardest work in the fields, and had guards turn us “Okies” back from California’s borders because of how “undesirable” we were.
2009-07-21 Oklahoma Dreaming: Dirt
Dirt is powerful here. It is like the wall of insects out here at night that buzz and scream and carry on so loudly that I have to close all my sliding glass doors.
2009-07-14 Oklahoma Dreaming: Hard-Wired
I hated his hard-wired brain that made him chase and kill things that ran from him. I hated his damn id personality. I hated how STUPID he was. I thought of giving him away. I didn’t want him anymore.
2009-07-07 Oklahoma Dreaming: Waiting for Rosie
There were so many rats that they literally swung gaily from the potted plants on my patio. Once I counted thirty, doing flips and half-gainers, like a Rat Circus, out there.
2009-06-30 Oklahoma Dreaming: The Cherry Tree
I decided to take a modified Masanobu Fukuoka approach and dig as big a hole as I could without killing myself and put into the hole whatever nutritious additives I could, like rocks or peat moss.
2009-06-23 Oklahoma Dreaming: Western Union
Okay. Put your hands down. You all THINK you could do it. BUT … you just MIGHT accidentally leave your entire business on the bus. So be a little humble, please.
2009-06-16 Oklahoma Dreaming: Whew!
Tick Guy responded by saying Obama was taking away a lot of insurance plans.
2009-06-09 Oklahoma Dreaming: Walkabout, Part 2
Some people like her African stick. Some don’t.
2009-06-02 Oklahoma Dreaming: Walkabout, Part 1
We’ll start where we left off … at our haphazard (and VERY Fukuoka) compost heap.
2009-05-26 Oklahoma Dreaming: School Is Out
Diego the Dog disembarks from his bed, stretching like an old man.
2009-05-19 Oklahoma Dreaming: Ticks—The Sequel
Ticks don’t seem to care if there’s urine in the water.
2009-05-12 Oklahoma Dreaming: ARRRRGGHH!
And I am pissed off saying the Pledge of Allegiance with the words “under God” in it.
2009-05-05 Oklahoma Dreaming: The Cafeteria Ladies
I’ve said before that it was the best restaurant in town and I wasn’t kidding.
2009-04-29 Oklahoma Dreaming: My Housie
I am going through a phase. I am sinking more deeply into living here.
2009-04-21 Oklahoma Dreaming: Wednesday Morning
He is learning Bob Dylan’s “Desolation Row” on his ancient and treasured family guitar.
2009-04-16 Oklahoma Dreaming: Wildfire
I opened the sliding glass door. I forget why. And as I inhaled I got a slight scent of smoke.
2009-04-09 Oklahoma Dreaming: Ticks
Don went home to Florida unknowingly carrying three of the damned things.
2009-03-31 Oklahoma Dreaming: The Cell
This was in the late fifties, and McCarthyism was still a-bubblin’ and a-boilin’.
2009-03-24 Oklahoma Dreaming: How to Build an Affordable House
Find some affordable land. This will require some research. I recommend the Internet.
2009-03-17 Oklahoma Dreaming: Spring Has Sprung
The handsome young man looked at me and said, “Mrs. Schoenkopf?”
2009-03-10 Oklahoma Dreaming: Rocky
But the primary focus for Rocky is water. He said nothing can happen unless there is water.
2009-03-03 Oklahoma Dreaming: Poetry Night
It is our patriotic duty to cuss loud and creatively.
2009-02-24 Oklahoma Dreaming: Rise and Shine
America is ALL about GOD, and all Americans know this because it is on our money.
2009-02-12 Oklahoma Dreaming: The Veterinarian
Next Wednesday, Diego and Che are getting their nuts cut off by Dr. Bob.
2009-02-05 Oklahoma Dreaming: Ice Storm
How can a person reach the age of 15 with such faulty information?
2009-01-16 Oklahoma Dreaming: Love Letters to My Tools
You’re handsome and strong. You can carry any damn thing.
2009-01-09 Oklahoma Dreaming: Penniless
This is a story of the goodness of people.
2008-12-26 Oklahoma Dreaming: Building the Deck (part 2)
We dug an eight by eight foot square. It took HOURS.
2008-12-12 Oklahoma Dreaming: Building the Deck (part 1)
You cannot scrub mud out of concrete.
2008-11-28 Oklahoma Dreaming: I Miss Fish
… and Trader Joe’s, and Ports O’Call, and Topanga Canyon, and …
2008-11-14 Oklahoma Dreaming: Achoo
Of whelps and welks and cats and cortisone.
2008-10-31 Oklahoma Dreaming: Going to Jail
My darling, brilliant, funny, handsome, kind, and generous brother had a drug problem.
2008-10-18 Oklahoma Dreaming: Today
Our heartland correspondent returns to the classroom.
2008-09-19 Oklahoma Dreaming: Highs and Lows
It’s begun to smell like rotten eggs coming out of the faucet.
2008-08-29 Oklahoma Dreaming: Random Thoughts
Rants, responses, accusations, logical reasonings.
2008-08-13 Oklahoma Dreaming: Freedom
It was time, according to Bob the Guinea Guy, to let the guineas out of their coop.
2008-07-31 Oklahoma Dreaming: Life Gets Better
The water from Pottawatomie Rural Water District #3 literally stinks.
2008-07-17 Oklahoma Dreaming: Life Is Cheap
The little darlings were nervous during wind and rain storms.
2008-07-03 Oklahoma Dreaming: Make Your House Affordable
Don’t throw away ANY wood. It is unbelievable what you can build with it.
2008-06-13 Oklahoma Dreaming: Getting Tough
Life out here in Affordable Housing Country has taught me that I am a pansy.
2008-05-28 Oklahoma Dreaming: Outside Shower
I wet my hair and shampooed and soaped and rinsed and listened to the birds sing.
2008-05-14 Oklahoma Dreaming: Inside the Storm
Cold Fear follows me around from room to room like an evil spirit.
2008-04-23 Oklahoma Dreaming: First Spring
She kicked her lazy butt off the bed and picked up the ziplock bag full of redbud seeds.
2008-04-08 Oklahoma Dreaming: Animal Farm
I noticed the first dog when I walked the half mile to my mailbox.
2008-03-25 Oklahoma Dreaming: Two Cities
There’s a bridge which is not named after Harry Bridges, although it should be.
2008-03-07 Oklahoma Dreaming: Bob and Mom
You could tell it was going to be a humdinger by the way it started.
2008-02-21 Oklahoma Dreaming: Lightning
Over 600 Americans a year are hit by lightning. This is what she was thinking about.
2008-02-13 Oklahoma Dreaming: Blowin’ in the Wind
She built a house on thirteen acres of paradise for under $50,000.
2008-01-30 Oklahoma Dreaming: Fidel
An orange tabby kitten, the son of the calico school cat who lived under my classroom.
2008-01-22 Oklahoma Dreaming: Feeeeeelings
The water pipe is leaking half a gallon a day and Peewee will not rest until he finds it.
2007-12-19 Oklahoma Dreaming: Gallstones and Weather
They fish around and eventually pull the gall bladder out through your belly button.
2007-11-20 Oklahoma Dreaming: Tidbits
I still feel like an alien, but I really like it here.
2007-11-07 Oklahoma Dreaming: I Just Want to Be a Good Person!
Peewee and Clint don’t come Monday. Clint’s back is bad. Hospital.
2007-10-24 Oklahoma Dreaming: Week From Hell
With a little heaven mixed in.
2007-10-12 Oklahoma Dreaming: Sitting
From the primordial ooze to dragonflies, frogs, and hawks.
2007-09-26 Oklahoma Dreaming: Guys
Duct tape and easements and staples in your head.
2007-09-07 Oklahoma Dreaming: Water
Peewee’s back, and he’s digging a trench.
2007-08-31 Oklahoma Dreaming: Weather
Thunder and lightning and rain, oh my!
2007-08-20 Oklahoma Dreaming: Peewee
A man, a plan, a bulldozer.
2007-08-13 Oklahoma Dreaming: The Prettiest Thirteen Acres
Cheaper than Mexico or Costa Rica.