Oklahoma Dreaming: Building the Deck (part 1)
by Donna Schoenkopf
I really am terrified.
So terrified that I have put off this project for quite a while now.
I often act like some kind of brave and powerful person who has no fear of anything and then proceed to ... being frozen with fear.
I have a big, fat mouth.
I’ll start at the beginning.
Four years ago I knew I had to think of a place for me to live after I retired. It couldn’t be California. I literally couldn’t afford it. But I had been in California for 42 years. Pulling up stakes would be like pulling my heart out of my chest.
I had to leave. And I planned and PLANNED for three years and came up with the design for my house and it is WONDERFUL. BUT I have yet to put down decks because I am a lazy, fat, old person.
But as Nature would have it, the mud here is HORRIBLE. It is all over everything. And since I have adopted Dumped Dog, or should I say Dumped Puppy, Diego Rivera, there is mud all over EVERYTHING. And you CANNOT scrub mud out of concrete. It soaks in and colors everything that pinkish, reddish color, which I am not a fan of.
So I grabbed myself by my shirt front and shook myself and spoke in a no-nonsense tone to myself about how I had PLANNED to have a deck going all around my house and it was TIME, yes TIME! to carry out my plan.
I sat down and started drawing. Front deck, south deck, east deck, north deck.
Then I realized I had NO idea of what I was doing because I had no idea of what lengths and widths the lumber came in. Nor did I have any idea of HOW to build a deck. OR how much it would cost.
The Fear Factor set in for a couple of months while I digested all this.
Then last month I went to dear Jo’s house to have a cup of tea. It was my first visit there. Her house is set in a lovely spot on the banks of Shawnee Lake. She and Ken built it. It is graceful and comfortable and unique. And it has a DECK! A gorgeous deck. So, of course, I began asking about it.
Yes, they had built it themselves. Ken had put in an amazing support system because they are on a slope to the lake. Jo had put down the planks. She told me she used a nail for spacing and a board bender to keep the planks straight. It seems all boards are bent and weird. (Nature, you know.) Her deck is absolute perfection. She offered to loan me her board bender. I told her I would take her up on that.
I also went to Lowe’s a bunch of times, just to look at the wood. There were piles of lumber that said Treated Wood. I would stand there looking at it and the prices. I would write down lengths and widths. I would multiply and divide and add and subtract.
I wanted to calculate every cent, so I went on the Internet to find out how much sales tax would be included. I must have gone to five or six different websites and not ONE of them would tell me in clear language how much sales tax I would be charged.
Did you know Oklahoma has sales tax on food?
But I digress.
When I would stand in front of the lumber, an older guy would always mosey up, and then start pulling wood out and looking at it to see if it had too many knotholes or was straight enough. (Women, if you’re looking for an older guy who knows how to build stuff, stand in front of the lumber section and ask questions.)
I would ask questions of them, such as:
Can I lay the wood directly on the ground, or will it rot? (Yes, you can. It will not rot. It is TREATED, Girlie. Ken told me this, too.)
Do I have to check every piece? (You do if you want a decent deck.)
Can I do this? (Sure you can.)
What do I need besides wood? (Screws, and they’re expensive—actually Jo told me this—a good level, a square, a plumb line, a saw, a power drill, pavers to keep the whole thing level.)
And that was it.
That didn’t seem so bad. But I was still frozen in fear.
So I bought a saw and a level and a power drill and a square, thinking that would unblock me.
But it didn’t. Because THEN I kept thinking about having my lumber delivered, and rain falling all over it, WARPING IT BEYOND RECOGNITION, after having examined each board with my naked eye.
So I was stuck again. Rigid with indecision.
UNTIL I thought of tarps. Yeah. I can buy some cheap tarps and put some on the ground and cover my giant pile of wood with them, too. Probably a MERE $120 bucks just for tarps. Crap.
But one must do what one must do.
But you know what? I HATE to confess this. Especially since I made such a big deal out of wanting to be Robinson Crusoe and all ... but I am dreading the hard physical work. Carrying one hundred (!) paving stones to their individual areas for leveling purposes. Pulling those boards over to their resting places. Bending over to square it up. Driving in the plumb line. (The ground is like cement.)
Drillingdrillingdrillingdrillingdrilling FOREVER. Bent over. My BACK! Millions upon millions of screws.
What have I gotten myself into????
Then last week I heard a knock on the door.
It was PEEWEE! My big mouth opened and I told him I was getting ready to build my deck and he was all proud of me and called me later to tell me he didn’t want me cutting off my fingers so he was bringing over his table saw. And an extra power drill if I needed it.
(I had been worrying for the three years before I moved to Oklahoma about cutting off my hand and not having anyone around to save my life out there in the country. In my nightmare scenario I was using a chain saw in the woods. I actually went online to Match.com to see if anyone wanted to marry me and move to Oklahoma and have a life together, just so I wouldn’t die, bleeding to death, alone and miserable. Desperate measures for desperate times. Nothing worked out.)
But I digress. Again.
ANYWAY, I still kept thinking about all that work. I had been lying around, not doing much, like a beached whale on my bed, just watching teevee for months. Do I REALLY want to do this?
I thought of hiring somebody. No. That would put me way over the top, expense-wise.
I thought of my nephews. No. They had their own lives.
Then I thought of my darling sister, Annie.
She builds LOTS of things out of wood. She LIKES to build things out of wood. She KNOWS how to build things out of wood. So I called her and asked if she wanted to come up from Dallas and build decks with me.
She said yes.
But then I was filled with doubt and guilt. Was she just saying this to be nice? Did she REALLY want to come up and build decks? After all, I told EVERYONE I was going to do this by myself. Robinson Crusoe style.
BIG MOUTH!
So I called her back and told her I was doing this myself and then back and forth, back and forth, until she finally e-mailed me and TOLD me that she was COMING next weekend. The weather (which she had checked on the Internet ... see how efficient she is?) would be perfect.
I LOVE MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So ... I’m off to Lowe’s and I will be ordering lumber.
Wish me luck.
donna@fourstory.org
Comments
YOU CAN DO IT Donna! Ask for help and keep safe. Keep us posted. Missing you and always thinking of you, Esme.
2008-12-17 by Esmeralda Jimenez
dear donna...i am in envy of you...i always knew you were resourceful, but to build decks? brava and love, from sarah
2008-12-14 by sarah schoenkopf kovner