Afraid to Keep Sanity Alive

by David Deutsch

I recently returned from yet another trip to Washington, DC, where among other things I attended Jon Stewart’s and Stephen Colbert’s Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear on the National Mall on October 30th. But I’m a transportation geek, and DC did not adequately prepare for the onslaught of attendees; so you’re getting both the rally and infrastructure issues in one convenient article.

The day of the rally my friends and I planned to meet at the Ronald Reagan Building at the Federal Triangle Metro stop at 9:30 am. I’ve always loved that building: like the Gipper himself, it is symbolic of the contradictions of his administration. In spite of Reagan’s soaring rhetoric about small government, his administration racked up tremendous debt, unprecedented for his day. And, the Reagan building:

1. is absolutely huge;
2. sits right above a publicly-funded Metro stop; and
3. is home to several huge bureaucracies, including the EPA.

Irony is dying, isn’t it?

One friend and I boarded the Metro in Bethesda at 9:00 am, and already the trains were packed to the gills. We barely managed to squeeze on board. We transferred from the Red Line to the Orange/Blue Line and popped out at Federal Triangle like overdue newborns squeezed out of a womb, minus the slime and whatnot. Although I invited at least a half-dozen friends, only two showed up—and one of them came with me. It seemed the rest of my friends underestimated how crowded the Metro would be and ended up waiting for over an hour to purchase fare cards. (More on this mass of humanity later.)

The three of us walked toward the Mall. We managed to get close-ish to the stage, but the area nearest the stage was sectioned off for VIPs and media types, so we ended up getting super-squeezed—again—about a quarter of a mile from it. We stood there from about 10:30 am straight through to 3:00 pm, barely able to breathe, much less take a single step in any direction. Some enterprising and gutsy folks climbed trees to avoid the jam-packed crowd. And I quickly discovered they dampened cell phone coverage, so I could not contact my friends even if I wanted to.

I’ll spare you a replay of the event, since so much has already been said about it. But I would strongly suggest you watch the replay. Stewart and Colbert were in top form. Cat Stevens (aka Yusuf Islam) and Ozzy Ozzborne sang a duet and Colbert gave an award to Anderson Cooper’s black shirt; thenStewart delivered the closing message: our contemporary media exacerbates our differences by drawing false dichotomies between Left and Right, and while those differences are real, that doesn’t mean we have to hate each other to score political victory. The rally was the perfect blend of satire and reality, mocking the system while cracking up the audience. It was classic Stewart/Colbert, writ large on the National Mall.

We left after Stewart concluded his monologue and tried to find a place to eat in Chinatown, which is a few blocks from the Mall. On the way we walked past a guy wearing a shirt questioning Obama’s birth certificate while handing out cards directing people to his website. This agitator was clearly (1) trying to undermine the whole point of the rally by being there and (2) a direct or indirect part of a powerful machine trying to delegitimize Obama’s residency—and Presidency—to distract us from more serious crimes committed by BP, Wall Street and other groups raping what’s left of the rotting carcass that is The American Dream.

Post-rally, it became clear how underprepared the city was. We waited two hours to eat food in a small Chinatown restaurant. They were so busy the restaurant’s only waiter didn’t clear the dirty tables, so, starving and cranky, we decided did our own. After we ate, we tried to board the nearest Metro stop at Gallery Place/Chinatown, only to discover it was closed.

Frustrated, we walked several blocks to Metro Center, and it too was jam-packed, although we were able to squeeze aboard, to be sandwiched between about seven people, one of whom weighed at least 350 lbs.

Eventually we found our way back to Bethesda, legs cramped and feet aching. Not surprisingly, the rally smashed the record for Metro use. I lived in the District for a while and had never heard of it, much less seen it, so crowded. Clearly the City Elders were caught unprepared for the 215,000 visitors. What makes this inexcusable is that political rallies and protests are built into DC’s DNA, just like earthquake-resistant buildings are a feature of Southern California’s infrastructure.

As with most rallies, people projected what they wanted to onto its meaning. Some dressed up as Batman, Superman, Captain America or a faux Tea Partier. Signs ranged from satire to complete nonsense. One had two circles next to each other; in one was the word ARABS and in the other, GOOD FAMILY MEN; just above the latter was a dot with Italians written above it. Another sign had a speech balloon with a bunch of apostrophes in it, or something. Another said Aaron Burr Burgles Turds. If anyone out there gets these references, please let me know. because I’m totally confused.

Some signs were deliberately hilarious, with such messages as RULY MOB, MODRATES MISPELL TO, MAKE ENGLISH (muffins) THE LAW! and There is an EVIL PLOT to make you think there is an EVIL PLOT. Some signs were coherent but didn’t make sense, such as OBAMA: REOPEN NYC SUBWAY TOILETS NOW and, my favorite, GOVERNMENT WORKERS ARE GOOD PEOPLE AND THEY TRY HARD.

We were proud to experience such a rally, even though the point was probably somewhat moot, given the sheer insanity of the far right fringe in this country. I wish Stewart and Colbert good luck in restoring sanity with the likes of Michele Bachmann in Congress.

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